Never A Bride
by starry-nights88
Summary: This wasn't supposed to be the hardest day of her life, it was supposed to be Emily's happiest, but watching her walk down the aisle to Sam was just about more than Leah could handle.


_Today was Emily's day._

She silently repeated the phrase, over and over again, hoping it would sink in and make today a little easier to handle. Unfortunately, it wasn't working nearly as well as she had hoped. Her hand trembled as she raised the eyeliner pencil to her eye to apply the makeup; she paused to heave a calming sigh that helped very little before touching the tip to the corner of her lower eyelid. Slowly, she dragged the tip across, but her hand wouldn't stop shaking and she messed up the line. She gritted her teeth and suppressed a growl of rage before she threw the pencil onto her makeup table.

"Leah? Are you alright?" Her mother asked, concern laced in her voice as the middle aged woman stepped into her bedroom and looked her eldest child over. "I heard a clatter and…"

"I'm _fine_," Leah said softly, her tone bordering on harsh as she looked at her mother through the reflection in the mirror. "I just…I…"

She didn't know if she could do this. She didn't know if she could sit back and watch Emily marry…_him_. Suddenly she knew why Jacob had caused such a big stink over Bella's wedding; watching someone you loved marry someone else, well…it sucked. It was supposed to be the happiest day of Emily's life, but at the same time, it was going to be Leah's worst.

He mother didn't look very convinced as she walked into Leah's bedroom, but she couldn't blame her mother—not when there was a long, black streak of eyeliner across her cheek because she couldn't stop shaking long enough to apply it properly. She heard her mother sigh and then felt her mother's hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Leah, let me do that for you…"

She gasped sharply at her mother's words, looking up at the elder woman through the mirror as the memory of that night surfaced in her mind. That damp, hot summer's night when she sat in this very chair and got herself ready for her first date with Sam.

_Her father had said he was a good boy when he found out, but her mother insisted that she was too young for him. She was fifteen, damnit—old enough to date, even old enough to have a boyfriend…even if he was years older than her. In the end, she had won out over her mother and she got her date._

_It was a Friday night and he was taking her to a movie in Port Angeles. She still had forty-five minutes before he was due to pick her up; plenty of time to finish her makeup and do her hair, that is, if her mother didn't catch her in the act. She had been stern when she told Leah there was no need for makeup tonight. He liked her well enough without makeup, so why wear it?_

_Leah didn't let that stop her. She borrowed some from a friend. She wanted to look good for Sam; she wanted to show him that she wasn't the little girl everyone thought she still was. She was growing up._

_She looked at her reflection in the mirror and smiled before she pulled the cap from the eyeliner pencil. She paused for a moment as she went over the instructions her friend gave her. She had never worn makeup before and she wasn't entirely sure how to put it on…_

_"Leah?"_

_She jumped with a gasp and a black mark was left on her cheek as she turned, wide-eyed, to her mother. She thought her mother would yell. She was terrified that her mother would make her cancel on Sam and then ground her for disobeying her, but Sue only smiled. "Come on, Leah, let me do that for you…" she said softly, fondly, before she stepped into Leah's room._

The wedding was to be held on the beach in the early evening and it looked as though the weather was going to allow it to happen. It seemed like nature was even celebrating Emily's union by shooing usual dreary atmosphere that surrounded La Push. It was bright outside, sunny and surprisingly warm for this time of year…

Leah scowled for no reason other than the very forces of nature seemingly betraying her and her bad mood, but in the end, she wanted Emily to be happy. They were family, after all, the best of friends—almost _sisters_ at one time. She didn't want to be the one raining on Emily's parade as everyone expected, though it was increasingly harder to keep her anger and bitterness at bay as the nuptials approached.

"Leah! Seth!"

Her mother was already outside, probably standing by the car with an impatient expression on her face as she waited for them. "Come on, we need to _go_! We've got to be at Emily's in _ten_ minutes!" Sue called after them again.

Leah heard her brother rushing down the hall, cursing out loudly when he stubbed his toe on the end table. She bit her bottom lip, resisting the urge to smile at her little brother's antics. He was obviously excited about Sam and Emily's wedding, though he kept himself in check around Leah out of respect. He knew, maybe better than anyone, what Leah went through concerning Sam and Emily—how it affected her, how upset and heartbroken she was over it and how she struggled to keep herself from completely falling apart because she owed it to Emily.

Seth was well aware of her pain, but he had never asked about it. He never questioned how she was handling the wedding and being Emily's maid of honor. Leah was thankful for that—she wasn't even sure she could talk about it without her mask cracking and her heartbreak spilling out. She knew, though, that if she ever needed to talk…Seth would be there for her, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

"Leah? _Leah_! Come _on_!" Her mother called after her, making her heave a great sigh before she finally started out of her bedroom, grabbing her purse on the way out.

_Her heart hadn't slowed down since her mother let him in the house, Leah wasn't sure if her heart rate would ever return to normal. She heaved a soft sigh, willing herself to calm down, but she simply shut down around him. She turned into the sort of girl she didn't want to be—a timid, giggling, almost always blushing girl. She was stronger than this, she knew she was, but when Sam smiled at her she forgot to be strong._

_"Leah?"_

_She didn't want to admit it, but she started at the sound of her name falling from his lips. Leah still couldn't believe that she was here, on a date, with Sam Uley! Just thinking about him made her heart flutter. She turned to look at him, acknowledging him with an endearing grin. "Yeah?"_

_Sam was smiling and seeing him smile at her made heat rush to her face. She wanted to look away, she wanted to hide her flush, but she couldn't break his gaze. "I'm really glad you came out with me tonight," he murmured softly in reply, so softly that Leah had to lean closer to be able to hear him. "I've been wanting to ask you out since the beginning of the year."_

_Her blush deepened—she knew it had to have because she suddenly felt hot all over at Sam's admission. She couldn't believe he had wanted her for so long, she didn't know why he waited and she didn't care to ask. The fact remained that he had. He wasn't just doing this to take out a girl, maybe he really did like her. _

_"I'm…" Leah started, but stopped as the lights dimmed and the theater darkened to signal the end of the previews and the start of the movie. She leaned closer to Sam, inches separating the teens as she whispered, "I'm really glad you asked me."_

_Sam sighed softly and then, in the dark, Leah felt his fingertips brushed against her hand. This time she didn't jump in surprise. She grinned slightly and shifted her hand, her fingers lacing with Sam's as the movie finally started, but she wasn't sure if she could focus on it. Not with his hand warm in hers._

The house was a scene of carefully controlled chaos as Leah let herself into her cousin's living room, her eyes darting around in an uncertain fashion. It was painfully obvious that she did not want to be here amidst the wedding preparations—if fact, she felt sick to her stomach, but she knew that was just nerves. It was taking every ounce of will she had to be here, so much so that she wasn't sure she could make it through the wedding itself.

Leah wasn't even sure that she wanted to try. If things were this hard now, well…she didn't want to imagine how intolerable the actual ceremony would be. The thought of leaving crossed her mind and she started to backtrack, slowly and surely, the women moving about the house not noticing her; aunts, cousins, and friends did not pay her any mind as Leah turned and started towards the door.

"Leah!"

Emily's voice stopped her dead, just as Leah's fingertips brushed the cool metal of the doorknob and she realized that she could not escape her fate now—she was to be a bride's maid, _the_ Maid of Honor, as Sam and Emily were married.

She closed her eyes against the realization of how cruel life could be before she turned around and forced a smile on her face. She couldn't be anything, but happy on Emily's big day. If she had to do this, she was determined not to ruin it for her cousin. "Hi…Emily," Leah managed to say, hoping that she had not sounded as despondent as she felt.

If Emily noticed, she didn't say anything as she crossed the distance between them and took Leah's hands into her own. "I love how you did your make-up! I've always loved that color on you! It'll match your dress _so_ well!" Her excitement was obvious and it made Leah's stomach twist and roll.

_It was late by the time they got home and Sam insisted on walking her to the door, not that she minded—she'd give anything to prolong their date by a few more stolen moments. They walked up to her porch in relative silence, their fingertips brushing and bumping into each other as they moved until Sam simple grasped her hand into his own._

_Leah smiled, but she couldn't help it. She bit her bottom lip and tried to hide the smile as they came into the dim lighting of the porch light, but she couldn't. She supposed it didn't matter after she glanced at Sam and saw that he was smiling just as broadly._

_"I, uh, had a good time tonight…" she said, looking up at the elder teenager, her heart stuttering in her chest because she wondered, she hoped, she _prayed_ that he'd end the date with a kiss and a promise for next time._

_Sam's eyes met hers and Leah felt her heart swell with the realization of how much she really liked him, of how badly she wanted him in her life. She hoped that this was just the beginning to her 'Happily Ever After'. "Did you?" He asked, looking down at their hands for a moment before his gaze returned to her. "I'm glad you did."_

_Silence blossomed between them again and Leah was unsure of how to break it, but luckily Sam seemed to take that upon himself. His hand came up, cupping her cheek before tilting her head upward. Her heart began to race as his thumb brushed against her cheek and his eyes rested on the curious curl of her lips._

_He leaned forward and her nervousness tumbled out in a panicked sigh just before Sam's lips touched hers. It was a chaste kiss, just a simple brushing of their mouths, but to Leah…at that moment, it was _everything_._

Her hands were sweaty as she grasped her bouquet, her heart fluttering nervously and fearfully against her chest as she waited for her cue to go—the change in the music that would signal her and Jacob's time to walk down the aisle and begin the procession. She stood there, frozen and terrified, as she fought with the urge to throw down the bundle of flowers and just run for it.

It wasn't too late to escape. It wasn't too late to take herself out of this and pretend like it never happened…

…but, Leah was tired of pretending. It hurt more than accepting the reality that Sam had left her for Emily. Pretending hurt more than allowing herself to move on with her life and get over the pain that his loss had wrought within her. She was tired of pretending. So tired.

"How are you holding up?"

He knew, perhaps better than anyone, what she was going through because Jacob Black had gone through it himself. It was right that he sounded concerned, genuinely concerned about how she was handling this situation, so it was easy to turn and talk to him as they waited in the small tent with the rest of the wedding party.

"Okay," Leah answered softly, releasing a small sigh before she shook her head slowly. "I thought I could do this, I really did, but…" She didn't need to say she was having second thoughts, you could clearly see her hesitation blooming on her face. "It's hard, a lot harder than I thought."

Jacob was poised to say something, but before the younger man could speak a word, the music keyed up and they were signaled to start the procession. Terror welled in Leah's chest, cold and strong, but she pushed the feeling away. She wouldn't allow it to overcome her. She closed her eyes and heaved a sigh.

"It'll all be over soon," Jacob whispered encouragingly as he presented his arm to the young woman.

She paused at his words, looking over at him and Leah realized that he was right. It would be over soon. It'd be over and she'd never have to dwell on it again. Emily would have her day and Leah would have her closure. She would finally be able to move on.

Leah curled her arm around Jacob's and sighed again. "You're right," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper before she forced herself to smile as they started the slow trek down the aisle.

She kept her gaze trained on the ground, not wanting to see him—not wanting that moment of torture to rear its head again and knock her down, but some things weren't meant to be fought and this might've been one of them. Leah couldn't resist the urge and glanced up at Sam. Her heart, she swore, skipped a beat when she saw him.

Leah could almost imagine…

But, she wouldn't. Not anymore. There was no use in pining after what could not be, what would never be. Sam was a chapter in her life that was over and would never be revisited. This was for her as much as it was for Emily—this was the beginning of the rest of Emily's life and the end of a fairytale for Leah.

Leah took her place and when the last bride's maid stood beside her, the music changed and the wedding march began. Emily was everything a bride ought to have been—she was beautiful, glowing with happiness through the veil covering her face, happiness because she was about to marry the man of her dreams. Emily seemed to brighten everything in the way that only a bride could, she brightened everything but Leah's fragile mood.

Leah had accepted the inevitable, she had done so ages ago. But to finally see it come to frustration…even with Jacob's kind understanding and her family's gentle reassurances, it was still the hardest thing she had to do.

It nearly broke Leah to listen to the tribe's elder pronounce them man and wife, it _crushed_ her to watch Sam lean down to Emily and bestow upon her the kiss that bound them together in this life and the next. With her heart breaking, Leah conceded to the knowledge that she would _never_ be a bride—she'd never be _Sam's_ bride.


End file.
